A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is a total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend replies, "I ran over David Beckham". "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well he tried to escape through the park!"The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Birmingham are good enough to win the League." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous red colours.
He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over.
He asked the Priest "where are you going, Father?", "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest. "No problem Father! I'll give you a lift"! climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the Manc.
However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunter , he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan.
"That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the b*****d with the door!"
Why are Man Utd sponsored by Vodafone?
Because they are the best example of how mobiles can fry your brains!
